I don’t even know how to title this

I’ve gotten some feedback from friends and acquaintances lately wondering why I never write here. Honestly, it’s mostly because I forget. Life gets a little hectic and my brain prioritizes things in terms of what allows for survival (and maintaining my sanity) and everything else gets shuffled away behind a door in my head. That part of my brain is a lot like Monica’s closet in Friends. It’s my messy headspace where things enter but they never return. My brain’s very own secret shame closet.

Life has actually been chugging along pretty well in the last few months. Kaitlyn is now almost 7 months old and is so close to crawling she can taste it. Once she figures out this whole coordinating arm and leg movement thing we are all so screwed. Especially the cat. That baby wants to get at that cat in a terrible way. I fear what will happen when this feral child can give chase to the little beast.

Nathan is talking about everything and learning new things constantly. Along with that he has also gained the ability to throw complicated tantrums over things that I do not understand. I actually think he got pissed at me last night because I opened a yogurt incorrectly. People, I wish I was kidding. Someone pass me the whiskey because JESUS.

Beyond the children I’ve started to slowly gain back some of the little pieces of me that existed before there were two small beings living in my house. About 6 weeks ago I started going to Judo again. When I stopped I was a brown belt within a year or two of being able to get to that black belt I wanted so badly. It has been so liberating to return to that sport. Within the last few weeks I’ve instantly gained back most of my confidence, stopped putting up with other people’s bullshit, and lost almost 10lbs.

For me Judo is magic. It’s that one thing that centers me in a way that nothing else has been able to. I’m forced to concentrate and work hard which helps flush away the frustration of my job or rough days with the kids. I’ve tried to fill this hole with a number of other sports and activities in the last few years since I stopped Judo but nothing ever fit right. Everything else made me feel a little better but I never got that high and the physical confidence that Judo brought. I’m super happy to be back and the folks over at Drexel Judo have been wonderful and make me look forward to every class I can get to.

The only other thing I could talk to right now would be my job. Don and I actually spent a long time talking about our careers a few nights ago. We talked about where we wanted to go and what was most important in terms of how our jobs relate to ourselves as well as our time with our children. I’ve never felt defined by what I do for work. I like my job most of the time, there are always frustrations, but it doesn’t make up who I am. I guess that means I’m not as attached to my job as maybe Don is. I’ve always put the kids above my job and I haven’t resented doing that for even a second. I’m sure things will change and shift as my kids get older. That dynamic will be interesting to track as time marches on.

For now I’ll continue surviving at work, and take out the frustrations of the politics and BS of my industry on Tuesday and Thursday nights when I put on my Gi. As long as I have an outlet I’m sure things will be fine. Now where did I put my ice packs and all of that whiskey…?


About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
This entry was posted in baby, judo, toddler, work and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I don’t even know how to title this

  1. Toby says:

    Glad things are going well and looking up .. Outlets are always good to have an don’t stop ever losing who you are…

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