The One Where I Remember Who I Am

When I had Nathan I honestly forgot who I was.  I left behind all of the things that shaped my personality.  I had stopped going to jiu-jitsu, I rarely played video games, I didn’t produce my podcast anymore, and tons of other minuscule things that aren’t even worth listing.  Nathan is a year old now and I’ve finally started to feel like I’m the same person I was before he was born.

I spent the better part of 10 months of Nathan’s life trudging through life kind of like a zombie. I got up with the baby when necessary, got through a full day at work, got the baby fed and clean and in bed, and then I would fight to stay awake for an hour before passing out just to wake up the next day and do it all again.  I had forgotten that my hobbies were more like passions.  I love to write, I love video games, I love producing a podcast, I like exercise (in any form really).  I am the rare breed of person whose job doesn’t define them but whose hobbies do.

When Nathan was 10 months old I started going back to jiu-jitsu and I started playing games again and all of these things really helped make me feel better.  I started writing this blog when he was even younger than that and it help as well.  Today I managed to record, edit and upload our podcast for the first time in what feels like forever.  That was the icing on the cake.  I feel like I have enough bits of my life before motherhood back that I’m whole again.  It’s not that I don’t love my son, I do very much, but in loving him I forgot how to love myself.  I forgot how to take care of myself for a while, how to have fun, how to prioritize my sanity and my happiness on occasion.

I’m starting to remember how to do all of these things now.  I’m remembering who I am.  It’s nice to have some time to remember that I’m more than just someone’s mother, I’m also someone’s wife, and I’m my own person.  I think sometimes we all need to be reminded that we aren’t just mom.


About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
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2 Responses to The One Where I Remember Who I Am

  1. Sean says:

    Tis true, kids change everything. Just ask the GALACTIC EMPIRE.

  2. Pingback: Ch-ch-ch-changes: How my hobby followed me through my biggest life change – The Married Gamers

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