The One Where I Can’t Talk About It

There is just so much I want to say, need to say, but I can’t say any of it right now.  I want some things about my life and situation to change.  Don and I know what we want and how to get it but right now it’s a bit of a waiting game until we can get there.  I hate waiting.  What I hate even more is not being able to talk about the things I have to wait for.   All of this is making me excessively anxious which is really contributing to my insomnia.  I just want to be able to take that deep breath, let the anxiety pass, and then sleep for like 4 days.  For now I play the waiting game.  “Oooohh the waiting game sucks, let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippo!”

Instead of talking about the things I can’t talk about I present you with a list of other boring shit!

1. I keep rereading this post over and over and over again.  I’ve been turning the things Liz is saying there in my head for the last few days.  In a lot of ways I understand exactly what she feels and in some ways it’s very different for me.  Right now both Don and I work full-time and we earn nearly the same salary (Don earns slightly more but it’s not a huge percentage).  While I’m not the sole breadwinner in our family I do feel a lot of the pressure and tiredness that Liz describes.  I’m holding a full-time, very stressful job, and caring for family.  I don’t cook as much as I want to.  I don’t have a clean house.  I don’t have as much energy as I want to.  I feel like my life right now is a series of compromises and almost nothing gets done perfect or even well.  I feel pressure from all sides and I often feel like I just can’t escape expectations from work or home.  It’s exhausting is what I’m saying.  I really want to see more women discuss this.  I’m glad Liz attacked it with honesty.  It makes me want to hug her.

2. Nathan has determined that 4:30 – 5:00am is the appropriate time to be awake.  This has been going on for at least a week now.  The other interesting thing is that his naps are both shorter.  I suspect what’s going on here is two-fold.  First, teething is a bitch and is causing some shortening of his naps.  Second, I think he’s getting to the age where he just needs slightly less overall sleep.  I might try to adjust his bedtime a little later in an effort to have him getting up closer to 5:30-6:00am but I feel like this isn’t going to make a bit of difference until he goes down to 1 nap a day.  If I was at home with Nathan or we had a nanny or my mother was watching him we could try this 1 nap experiment right now.  The issue here is that he’s at daycare and that means he needs to fit into the schedule of the room he’s in.  When he gets a bit better at walking he can move up to the Toddler room and in there it’s a 1 nap schedule but for now we’re stuck on 2 naps because that’s what goes down in Infant C.  I hate having my parenting choices dictated by the daycare schedule.

3. I never talk about video games in this space but I feel like I need to right now.  I picked up a Nintendo 3DS recently and I’m actually pretty enthralled with it.  I ended up buying one because Don was so interested in it after playing around a bit with a demo model in Target.  He’s fascinated by the 3D and I can’t blame him, it’s pretty impressive technology.  I won’t go all engineering nerd on you here and talk about how it works but I will say if this technology could be expanded into bigger sets it would mean the end of glasses for 3D in your home.  There are some barriers to overcome and it’s a bit sensitive to your eye position relative to the screen but regardless the tech is functional and very fun.  The price is going to be a bit prohibitive for some people, $250 is not a small number for a portable device, but if you have it to spend and are interested in the tech I would advise checking out a demo unit at a Target or another store.

4.  Lastly and also completely unrelated to parenting, Curtis Stone is hot.  I know for many of you this isn’t news but I just rediscovered how hot he is by watching Top Chef: Masters.  The show itself isn’t as interesting as the vanilla version of Top Chef but I hardly care when I get to see Curtis every other scene.  Making him the host over Kelly Choi was such a good call.  Stone is more interesting, better looking, better sounding (hello accent), and an actual chef so I can take what he says seriously.  I didn’t even believe Kelly Choi ate actual food.  The host change is enough to make me actually interested in a show I hardly cared about previously.

That is my hodgepodge of crap for today.  Hopefully I will have something more interesting to say sooner rather than later.


About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
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2 Responses to The One Where I Can’t Talk About It

  1. Mom101 says:

    Am hugging you back, through the internets. Thank you.

  2. Elaine says:

    No, thank you. You are amazing for starting a conversation that needed to be started.

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