The One Where I Have No Friends

Folks the title may be a bit misleading.  I’m still working on my ability to pull a catchy title directly from my ass and place it in that daunting blank spot.  I’ll work on it.  Actually I probably won’t work on it because I’m lazy.  Why waste valuable internet time coming up with clever titles?

If we are being honest with each other (and we should be) I do have friends.  In fact I have excellent friends who have always been there for me.  They have helped me survive college and entertained my son while I ate an actually meal.  These are priceless additions to my life that I could never survive without and I love all of them.  What I’m really referring to in my poor post title is my lack of mom friends.

I know a smattering of other mothers through my son’s daycare and they are very nice people but I often feel like the only thing we have in common is the fact that we have children about the same age.  My job is a difficult thing to explain to people who are not in the field (honestly the only thing that clears a room faster than engineer is “IRS agent”) and my hobbies don’t jive with most of what these other women are into.  My free time is spent playing video games, writing on this blog, or trying to choke another motherfucker.  You can see how these might be difficult to use as conversation starters.

I want to have other women in my life that I can commiserate with about the difficulties of being a mother but at the same time I would like to have the option to talk about something besides my son.  I want to be able to find some common ground that makes going out and grabbing dinner or a drink something that is totally out of the realm of possibility.  This business is frustrating in a way that I am having trouble articulating.

The other issue that tends to crop up is that I try to be pretty laid back about my kid.  I don’t worry about when he’ll walk or talk.  I don’t buy into the YOUR BABY CAN READ bullshit and I don’t try to push him to do anything before he is good and ready.  I really believe that you can’t force a kid to do something before their developmental timeline and that business just don’t seem to line up with how other mothers view raising children.

I kind of wish I knew how to sort some of this out in a way that would let me have at least a few other mom friends that I could hang out with occasionally.  Perhaps I need to expand my horizons to Little Gym or a Mommy and Me class to meet other women.  Does anyone in internet land have any stories about other mom friends?  Am I alone in finding making new friends in this particular group difficult?


About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
This entry was posted in baby, blargh and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The One Where I Have No Friends

  1. Mare says:

    The answer must be that you need to make the friends you already have have kids. 😀

    Seriously though, this is a problem that’s just going to come up more and more often. Not necessarily because you’ll always feel a desire for mom friends, but because your kid will start being old enough to make his own friends and then you’ll have to deal with other mothers when the kids want to get together to play. I am not good at this. For a long time I always faced other mothers with this feeling that while I was an adult, they were Adults, and I usually assumed they were older than I was. Which was silly a lot of the time (though I have met women with kids my kids ages who are closer to my mom’s age than mine) and just showed that my brain was still in “having kids is something older people do” mode, even though I had some of my own.

    Honestly though I have been to birthday parties with my older son and he has had kids come to a birthday party of his and he went to a friend’s house once and I always feel way, way awkward with the other kids’ moms. Like, just because my kid likes your kid doesn’t mean I’m gonna like them, but you feel kind of…obligated to? Hopeful you will? I don’t know. It’s a problem because at this age I’m still very much a gatekeeper on who he hangs out with and will have to spend time with these other women. And admittedly part of the reason he had so few playdates when he was a preschooler and a kindergartener is because I didn’t want to hang out with strange women or try to make friends. They hang out with other kids out of school but they’re almost always family, either their cousin or their “cousins” – their cousin’s cousins, of which he has something like a dozen.

    It doesn’t help that I never feel like my house is clean enough for him to have friends over. We bought some new furniture with our tax return and were doing this heavy overhaul of all of our crap and it kind of stalled and the family room still has boxes all over and ugh I just keep thinking “nobody can come over when it looks like this.” I feel bad about it a lot. 😦 I don’t want my kids to become hermits just because I am. Sigh.

  2. Lisa says:

    I’ll just leave this here…

  3. Carolyn says:

    As someone on the other side of the mommy fence, I worry about really good friends of mine that are now planning to have kids. With the friends I have now that are parents, I would’ve been friends with them when they were child free.

    What I’m saying is that your good friends will listen to the mom stuff and give you the non-mom time you desperately need at times. Hell, I’ve had enough nieces and nephews that I can give anecdotes about various topics now! LOL

    And I love that you’re laid back about your kid. My brother’s the same way…and he’s got a damn athlete/smarty pants McGee on his hands (see what I mean about the anecdotes?)! What your kid needs is love and encouragement – which you’re giving to him in spades – and he’ll do the rest!

  4. AblativMeatshld says:

    See, if you want mom friends, you just need to get your current female friends knocked up.

    Yes, YOU need to get the knocked up. No, I don’t know how you’re supposed to do that, what, do I have to fucking think of EVERYTHING around here?


    PS. Leah is exempt from this. She is sooooooo exempt from this.

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