Uncertainty

I’ve been sitting here staring at a blank post window for 15 minutes.  It’s not that I don’t have things to write about, I do.  The stumbling block for me is exactly what it is I feel I need to say.  Unfortunately I didn’t find the answer to that question before I started writing so now you get to see me incoherent ramble towards…..something.

Yesterday one of the women who works in my son’s room at daycare starting to harp on me because my son doesn’t hold his own bottle.  She’s older than me and either through experience or her desire for life to be a little easier in the room she strongly believes he should be able to sit at a table, hold his bottle, and drink it.  I’m not going to lie to you, I think this concept is bullshit.  First, the motor skills required to lift and hold a bottle with no handles, tip it, and then drink from it are a little beyond that of a 11 month old.  A sippy cup is one thing because it’s short, balanced for tipping, and you know….HAS SOME GODDAMN HANDLES!

My real issue here is that I personally don’t really care if my son holds his bottle and if I’m truly honest I would prefer he didn’t.  My favorite time of my whole day is the moment after he’s out of the bath and in fresh pajamas and I get to snuggle him in the glider and give him the last bottle of the day.  He’s not in a rush to go anywhere and he lives to snuggle close to me and clutch his lovie while he drinks those few ounces.  I live for this moment.  I can kiss his forehead and sing to him.  I can smell that baby smell that is rapidly evolving into something different, something more like a little boy.  I won’t get this back and I’m not in a rush for him to grow up.  I don’t want him to hold that bottle.

Beyond a selfish desire to hold my son for as many months as possible there is the issue that honestly holding a bottle is a bullshit idea of a developmental necessity.  He holds a sippy fine even if he hasn’t quite figured out how to drink from it without spilling it everywhere.  It’s silly to think he needs to do this.  Who cares?  I personally don’t give a shit if he holds it or not.  The issue here is that this woman feels it needs to happen and is pushing hard to make it so.  She harps in a way that makes me second guess myself as a mother and I.hate.that.shit.  I worry that they will push this on him and he won’t drink because of it.  I worry if I make an issue of this it will become a huge issue that could affect his care.

This is silliness and it’s absurd that I’m concerned over this.  I hate feeling like I’ve done something wrong because my kid isn’t doing things the same way as the others in the class.  I hate this kind of stuff in the same way I hate the judgmental looks that competitive mothers give me because my son isn’t walking yet (back off bitch he’s not even 12 months old).  I hate that all of this has to be one big competition or one mold that all children should conform to.  Shouldn’t we be passed this bullshit by now?

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About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
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9 Responses to Uncertainty

  1. Evan says:

    just 1 comment:
    what a bitch!

  2. Sean says:

    This butinski to whom you refer reminds me of the busybody principal in Uncle Buck, i.e. the one who thinks six year-olds need to take seriously their educational career path or something. Please keep fighting that power.

  3. mik says:

    The bad news is: that never changes. My daughters are 14 and 11, and there’s still no end to the people who want to tell me how to raise them and what they *should* or *shouldn’t* be doing.

    The good news is: you will definitely change–or rather, your ability to ignore those people will. It’s especially difficult when you’re first a parent, because you’re inherently concerned and a little insecure that you’re doing even the most mundane and minute things wrong when it comes to your kid.

    The best news is: you’re totally doing it right. And the fact that you’re upset about all this exemplifies that. Hold him as long as you can–you’ll never get that back. But he’ll sure as hell be holding a bottle soon enough.

  4. Elaine says:

    mik, thank you. It’s good to know that insecurity that kind of floats in and out is a normal part of being a new parent. I think as I get more experience with the people telling me how I’m clearly failing as a parent I’ll grow some thicker skin. When I write this stuff down it seems mundane and silly. It’s amazing how babies and the commentary that comes along with them can rock your confidence.

  5. Mare says:

    Should a baby who is still breastfeeding at 11 months hold his own boob, too? hehehe. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to hold that bottle.

    As for the walking, it’s a hard balance, I think, for moms, to be proud of accomplishments their kids have made without belittling your kid for not having made it yet. For example, I just found out my five year old can subtract, and he can write numbers fairly well and knew how to set up an addition problem with the proper signs. He doesn’t start kindergarten until September. I’m super proud of him, but I would never think less of other kids for not being able to do it yet. Heck, my older boy couldn’t at his age, even though he’s good with math himself.

    One of the hardest things about parenting is second guessing yourself. If you keep telling yourself you’re doing the best you can sometimes you’ll actually believe it. 🙂

  6. Lisa says:

    Well, I don’t know about you, but none of mine popped out with a user guide. And trust me, I’ve had FOUR, if anything extra was up there, it would have fallen out by now.

    Both of you, you and the baby, are doing everything exactly right. Can any of those “super moms” tell his hungry cry from his bored cry from his hurt cry? No. They can’t. Only you can do that. It’s a special mom power and it lets us know that we know what we’re doing. Those busy body bullies can’t possibly know anything about your baby, simply because he’s *your* baby. Remember that.

    There is no step by step timetable of baby abilities. My first one carried his bottle around until he was almost 2. The second one threw his away at 10 months. All four of them walked at different ages. One of them only crawled backwards on his feet and hands like a monkey or something and only crawled “normally” after he was walking. It didn’t mean I was doing anything wrong, it just meant that they were individuals. Honestly? Nathan can probably hold his bottle, he just prefers that you do it for him. Kids are pretty smart like that. 😉

    You’re doing just fine. If he’s growing and he’s happy, then you’re doing it right. Some people can only justify their own “rightness” by pointing out the so-called flaws of others. Ignore them. They’re stupid.

  7. Melissa says:

    My nephew is an adorable, happy, normal baby, and you are a great mom. Any person who says otherwise can deal with me and Kevin *grin*

  8. Justin says:

    It’s an echo of what everybody else has said, but don’t let the negative types get you down, and don’t ever feel like you’re doing something wrong by wanting special time with your son. If having 4 at the same time has taught me anything it’s that they all develop in their own way, at their own speed, and decide what they’d like to figure out next. I’m sure Nathan is doing things that the other kids aren’t doing yet and vice versa. And that’s okay. It’s great even. Because he’s doing what he wants/needs to do. There’s no flow chart of baby development (well, there is, but not the one that the busybodies want because their chart is exactly what their kid did exactly when they did it). I’ve got one who really wants to stand despite not sitting up yet (Eric), one who is babbling like nobody’s business (Fiona), one who won’t stop flipping over for anything (Lana), and one who wants to hold everything from pacifiers to bottles to my hair (Nathan, and apparently I need a haircut).

    Parenthood isn’t easy, and it’s not consistent. As long as you’re doing what you feel is right and you love him then you’re on the right track.

  9. Carolyn says:

    I have nothing to add other than you’re a fantastic mom and that c-biscuit can stuff it. 🙂

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