Expectations

I really expected therapy to be terrifying.  I’m not sure why.  I guess because it feels the person you are talking to has the free reign to pick you apart.  Before my first appointment I kept having this nightmare.  I would walk into the therapist’s office, she would look at me, tell me I’m messed up, and then write me a script.  I thought I was wearing on my outside how anxious and weird I feel lately.

It turns out this whole process was nothing like that at all.  I instantly felt comfortable with this woman.  She asked me a slew of questions to get to know me (and presumably what she was dealing with here).  She asked me a lot of questions about my beginning months with Nathan.  I also managed to cry during my first appointment which I SWORE to myself I would not do.  Note: this is because she asked me about my breastfeeding experience and that conversation makes me sad and disappointed.  I’ll write my next baby post about that business I think.

This woman was not just writing me a prescription and sending me on my way.  She was getting to know me and getting to know my problems.  She was learning about my relationships with family and with myself.  It was so different from anything preconceived notion of this process I had in my mind.  What I instantly got out of this was that there was someone I could talk to who wasn’t personally invested in my situation.  I could say the things I needed to say and then leave and it wouldn’t haunt me.  My feelings wouldn’t stare at me all evening like they do when I talk to my husband.  Being honest wouldn’t worry this woman like it worries my mother.

In this setting I can be totally honest about what I’m going through.  This honesty already feels like a weight off my chest and it’s been only one session.  I feel like someone is in my corner now, someone who knows how to help me fix this.  Ultimately she wants to see me one a week for right now.  She seemed confident we could do a great deal without immediately resorting to any medication.  I feel good about this.  I feel good about myself.  I feel like I’m addressing this and working on something.  I like this.

Advertisements

About Elaine

Mom, engineer, writer, gamer, gym rat. Ain't nobody got time for excuses.
This entry was posted in depression and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Expectations

  1. noajayne says:

    So many people have over exaggerated ideas of what therapy is like. If you can find a good therapist it can be a great experience, but there are bad ones too of course. It sounds like you found a good one though! 😀 I went through a slew of terrible ones before I found what that really worked with and for me.

    I hope it works out for you!

  2. Carolyn says:

    See? I told you it wasn’t going to be so bad! 🙂

  3. Melissa says:

    I could have told you this 😛 I went to see a therapist for a few months before Mac and I broke up, and it was a very good thing, my therapist was awesome.

  4. April says:

    So glad you found a therapist you can be comfortable and honest with. I’ve dealt with both good and bad, but the bad was mostly due to ridiculously under-covered and restrictive constraints by my parents’ insurance when I was growing up.

    Hopefully you can get stuff sorted out before thinking about medication, although it has its place too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s