I keep meaning to write more in this space. No seriously. I really do mean to. Why are you looking at me like that? Because of that this post is going to sound like a rambling mess of random bullshit until I get on some sort of regular posting schedule. Stop laughing it’s going to happen. I said stop laughing! Ok I’m getting more wine….
In the last week my son has figured out how to sit himself up and how to crawl. Now he’s acting like that shit just isn’t good enough so mom it’s time to pull up on furniture now but I don’t know how to so sweet lord I’m so pissed off. I really thought when he figured out how to make himself move some of his crankiness would go away but for this kid that just isn’t good enough. He’s amazing and just wants to do it all now now now. Jesus kid slow it down because Mommy is out of wine and the gin is going to start running low soon.
On a completely unrelated topic it seems like Microsoft’s new Kinect peripheral and software are a pretty big hit. That’s kind of bound to happen when you go on Oprah, Ellen and Jimmy Fallon and give them away for free. Once Oprah endources something it’s game over. That thing will be the number one selling Christmas item and mothers will be clawing each others eyes out to make sure there is one for their children under the tree. When I was a little kid there was a year when that thing was Tickle Me Elmo. My dad had a tradition of taking my brother and I to the mall on Christmas Eve while my mother worked. We would get a cookie (Mrs. Fields FTW) and sit on a bench and watch the madness. I was pretty little but I remember two mothers fighting over the last Tickle Me Elmo. The one lady slugged the other in the face and tried to run up to the register to pay. The other lady gave chase and a battle ensued that nearly destroyed the store. My father then had to spend the evening explaining why we don’t hit people. It is up there in my top Christmas memories.
I remember asking Santa for a lot of things as a kid and somehow he came through on the things I really wanted. Thinking back now my parents didn’t have that much money. They both worked and they both worked hard and they must have spent an absurd amount of time and money always giving us amazing holidays. I never remember being disappointed. I’m kind of amazed by that because now I understand that my parents had to budget and scrape to make sure how much money we had was transparent to us kids. I sit and wonder now how that made my parents feel. Right now both Don and I work and it means comfort for us and Nathan. We’ll probably be able to send him to private school (our schools are kind of shitty) and he won’t ever have to miss out on things at Christmas. That part makes me feel good but at the same time my working means less time with my son. I know as a kid he’ll be more excited by toys and big Christmases but as he gets older will he wish he could have traded that for more time with me?
My mom worked but she worked the night shifts at the hospital so she could be there when I got off the school bus every day. She sacrificed sleep for years so I could see her face and she could help with school work or hold me while I cried about how the other kids were mean. Will my son wish I had made some kind of sacrifice to give him those things? Is this going to forever bother me more than him? Only time is going to answer those questions so right now the best I can do is hope I’ve made the best choice and soldier on the best that I can.